Well, who do I mean by "him"?? Unfortunately, it's the guy whom I deeply love (or should I say, the guy who I "used to" love deeply??!!! Cos now I'm sick of how he's been treating me: ignorant, unloving, uncaring, unattentive, always acting cold-heartedly, always disappoints me, always pisses me off. In one word, like my big sis told me, he's a JERK!!!!!! And he totally doesn't deserve me!! And I don't deserve to be treated like this!!!!!!!!!)

I was quite surprised when he called me this afternoon while I was having a break in the ACCY221 lecture. These days I gotta admit, I haven't attempted to make a lot of phonecalls to him. Usually I'd call him every single night. But since last week I feel tired of having to be the first one to always call him/text him/etc. A few hours ago I finished studying for my test, and I felt like calling him, so I did. But to my astonishment, when he picked up the phone and knew that it was me on the other line, the tone in his voice was totally uncomforting. He spoke very ignorantly, like only saying two or three words as necessary!! From the way he talked, I just knew that he didn't wanna talk to me, and I was so pissed off when he said repot nih.. and I said repot kenapa? and he said lagi maen game.. Then I got mad so I ended the conversation immediately!! I think the phonecall didn't even last for a minute.. or like.. not even two minutes at most!! The thing that made me angry was because he didn't even want to talk to me despite the fact that I haven't called him for days!! Long ago, when things were still going on well between us, the tone in his voice used to be cheery when he knew that it was me who called him (even though he was playing computer games at that time). And long ago, he used to like it if I called him at ANY hour (even when he was sleeping), and he used to text me saying "please call me at home" or something like that. But now.. things are getting worse between us. He doesn't like it if I "interrupt" him while playing games or sleeping. It seems like we're getting further and further away from each other.. and somehow I feel that not only does he not love me anymore, but I also feel that he's trying to avoid me.. get away from me.. "walk away" from me..

Now I'm completely tired of being treated like this. I need to put this to an end!! I have no idea why he's totally changed now... Was it something I did? Was it something I said?? Or was it just the whole thing about me?? I'll have to find out. I gotta find the right moment to talk to him about this. I gotta force him to open up to me and all that. If he won't tell me everything, then that means I'd still be treated like this forever, but I wouldn't want to be treated like this forever, so who knows.. I might want to dump him even though it'll hurt. (But I'm sure it'll hurt less than having to be treated like this for the rest of my life!!)

Hmmm.. now I remember.. Stacie Orrico's song totally describes how I feel right now: